The Ways Our Grief Has Always Been All About Love
Grief will knock on all of our doors at some point, and although it may feel like it, grieving doesn’t have to knock us down. Remember these important lessons the next time grief washes over you.
Grief is a reality of life. It's also proof of our love, and although our people sometimes experience loss too often or too soon, we can embrace the grief love often leaves behind for us to remember.
We must realize that there is no timeline for grieving. Coloniality has taught us that everything is urgent. It's not, and grief especially isn't. Our people grieve differently, going through five stages: despair, self-blame, action, endurance, and survival.
Grief is about acceptance. We don't forget to move on; we adapt to that which we've lost.
To grieve means we have loved. In “Grief Is Love”, Marisa Renee Lee explains, "Love doesn't die, and that is why we grieve. You don't get over love…" Lee urges us to understand that despite loss, love cannot be erased.
Grief is about extending grace for ourselves and others. We can allow ourselves to see grief differently. Dr. Jennifer Mullan of Decolonizing Therapy teaches that grief is sacred, not a sign of weakness or something shameful, and that it belongs to no one and everyone at the same time.
Mullan encourages us to consider ancestral knowings of grief with this question: "How have your elders, your culture, your healers seen and navigated grief?” The next time a wave of grief washes over you, remember that love, grace, and sacredness are washing over you, too.
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