How Asking For Care Helps Build Connection

A bid for connection is an expression of desire for attention, affection, affirmation, or acceptance from your community. Bids can be verbal or nonverbal, and communicated through body language, questions or statements, or physical touch. 

Bids can be as small as a gentle squeeze, or as big as an admission to a friend you need help.

Bids take practice. Because we can’t expect the people around us to read our minds, saying, “I’m about to make a bid for connection. Please be honest with me if you can meet me in this way,” is fine.

Our bids won’t be met 100% of the time, and that might stir up difficult emotions. The more we practice making bids, the more likely they are to be met.  

Making a bid is a way of saying, “ I need to feel like I can depend on you.” 

Codependency isn’t the goal, but being able to rely on each other in healthy ways is crucial for community building.

Anti-Black capitalism has taught us to minimize our care needs. When we honor bids for connection, we begin to establish community care models rooted in love, faith, and accountability. 

Bids are an invitation for us to reflect on: How are we accountable to one another? A bid is our way of putting our faith in community.